Monsters In The Dark
by xXLoverOrHaterXx
Summary: "We stopped looking for monsters under our bed when we realized they were inside us."


**A response to the challenge posted in NightClan by GlimmerIcewood. Manga spoilers for everything past chapter 51 and probably some other stuff too.**

It wasn't the first time Levi had killed other humans.

Back then, when the taste of sewer water was still fresh on his tongue, he had killed many, many other people. And looking back on it now, he couldn't say he regretted it. They were animals even worse than the merchant dogs and the fat pigs from Sina. Cockroaches would probably be the best term for them, scurrying around in the filth. Levi suppressed a shiver. How he hated filth.

But this, all this, was before the Survey Crops. Before Erwin had forced him to join against his will, before his former friend had said the words "trust me," before he became Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Before he came to trust Erwin, and before he met his first team and before. Before everything.

He said that he disliked pointless death. And he did. But if humans were Titans... Or Titans had been humans... Wasn't that pointless death?

And how were Titans even created from humans anyway? Sure, he was no Hanji. But even he had some theories, and they did nothing to reassure him. In fact, they did just the opposite.

He traced the edge of his tea cup. Levi would actually prefer something stronger than tea, but he tried to make a point not to drink anymore. He was half tempted now but. No. That would just make everything better and then worse.

If he had been drunk just then, he probably would have snorted. What was it some people would say, the ones safe inside the walls? It always gets worse before it gets better, was it? He wished he could tell them no, no that's not how it goes. For him and for the Survey Corps it went 'it always gets better before it gets worse.'

And now he just had to wonder. What would people say if they knew he thought like this, in the dark, sitting at the same table he had before the 57th expedition. What would they say then, about Humanity's Strongest Soldier? Again, if he had been drunk, he might have huffed a laugh just then. It probably wouldn't be anything he hadn't heard before. Sometimes, he even got a sick feeling of amusement when they returned from a failed mission just to see the same people who had cheered them, cheered him, staring at them with those judging, contemptible eyes. Humans who knew next to nothing would change their opinions oh so fast, going with what everyone else thought, what was just in front of their eyes. He wondered what would happen if they knew what he knew. If they knew Titans had once been human, what would they say? Would they call them murderers? He wouldn't be too surprised.

To the regular people (and now he felt the smallest shiver of satisfaction that nearly no one within the walls had never seen a Titan), they were outsiders, weirdos, crazy. And Levi had to agree with them. But he wondered if any of them even used the brain that was supposedly inside those thick skulls of theirs. If one thought about it, perhaps they really would be nicer to the Survey Corps.

Had they ever even wondered what would happen if the Survey Corps decided to break away from the foul and corrupt thing they called their government? Had the thought even crossed any of their minds? Were they really so blissfully ignorant? The Survey Corps could really do more without their "government" getting in the way after all, not that Erwin usually let such things bother him.

Ah, Erwin. Erwin, the mastermind behind the Survey Corps, the largest reason their death toll had gone down and then was thrown back up last expedition. The reason he was in the Survey Corps at all, actually. Erwin, who despite wanting to save humanity, was a monster in his own right, only better than the Titans because he had a goal in mind that he constantly worked for. The Titans, former humans or no, were brainless now and Erwin was anything but. The thing that was really the worst about Titans was their lack of intelligence. If they ate people for a reason, perhaps he would despise them less. But Levi hated senseless death, and that could really be the definition of Titans.

Learning Titans had previously been humans had been extremely upsetting for him, in the moment and it even bothered him now as it kept eating away at his mind. So many people died meaninglessly already, and now he learned the death count, particularly his death count, was so much higher than he had thought before.

But, he thought, this was meaninglessly too. What could he do, sitting in the dark, at the table that his former team had sat at? What was the point of that? After so long in the Survey Corps, he supposed he should have learned by now. Brooding and mourning and speculating were all useless in the long run, especially for Humanity's Strongest Soldier, the hero and the brawn of the Survey Corps. It was best if he lead the real thinking to Hanji and Erwin because he, though smart and a decent tactician, was no mad scientist or brilliant strategist. And so he would be the symbol of the Survey Corps, just like the emblem they wore on their backs.

Wings of Freedom, Humanity's Strongest and now Humanity's Hope too, in the form of Eren Jaeger. And Levi sighed, rising from his chair in the dark room, collecting his tea and taking it to the sink, rolling up his sleeves to wash the cup. People, the normal people, hated them and loved them at the same time. They gave them their approval, their hope and then their scorn and disdain. They would scream about the regrets of the dead, like they understood what that really meant. Dead people couldn't have regrets or wishes. They couldn't do anything, they couldn't want anything. But, what they wanted while they were alive was to defeat the Titans, and Levi promised he would do it for them when they couldn't.

So he had to make sure he lived, to fight the beasts, to give humanity freedom. While other people fell, while his comrades were devoured, he would survive, and take on their will, take the strength they had while they had still drawn breath and make sure the monsters of the world, every single one of them, no matter what shape or form they took, died by his hands.

**End**


End file.
